Fresh Statuses

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I'd never be bored again.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I look like I'm taking my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I'm still in party mode from Saturday night.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
My alarm clock and I had a fight this morning. It wanted me to get up, I refused...things escalated. Now I'm awake and it's broken. I am not sure who won the fight.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl's purse is when it doesn't match what I'm wearing.
If you're confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
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