Fresh Statuses

The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I'm pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I'm driving"
It really bothers me when people use song lyrics as their status... It makes me wanna SHOUT!!! SHOUT!!! let it all out... These are the things I can do without, so come on... I'm talking to you, so come on!!!
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt was shot dead by police in downtown Los Angeles, today. He was wanted for multiple counts of identity theft.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I'm not sure what my spirit animal is, but I'm sure it has Rabies.
All I'm saying is if paper beats rock why are rocks used as paperweights?
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