Fresh Statuses

I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.
"Lmao" - a French cat
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection's map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I'm ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
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