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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Amigo
Cyberbilly
Novell
Robert Zunick
Cris
I went to Big Lots with a $100 gift card. They just handed me the keys to the store.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away
I saw a car with a New England Patriots sticker driving in front of me. I was tempted to follow and deflate the tires.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.