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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Dave Asten
Michael Mendoza
I'd like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.