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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Dave Asten
Robert Zunick
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
I fart because it's the only gas I can afford.
I can't understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I don't use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.