Funny statuses

#138

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

#584

Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

#231

I want to change my name on Facebook to "No One," so when I try to add people, it will say, "No One wants to be your friend."

#150

Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. Nobody thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your crotch.

#141

Kidnapping? I prefer the term "surprise adoption".

#118

I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to ten people."

#227

It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.

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Funny Facebook Statuses