Fresh Statuses

Rest areas restroom are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
I didn't see anyone important yesterday, so I'll probably wear these same clothes today.
In America anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
Two tips for jogging faster: (1) Attractive person in front of you. (2) Creepy person behind you.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
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