Fresh Statuses

Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher!
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
The fact there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
If 9/11 had happened in July, Seven-Eleven would have been screwed.
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