Fresh Statuses

My alarm clock and I had a fight this morning. It wanted me to get up, I refused...things escalated. Now I'm awake and it's broken. I am not sure who won the fight.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl's purse is when it doesn't match what I'm wearing.
If you're confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
I have a lot of imaginary friends. They are real people, I just have to pretend they are my friends.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
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