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July 4th Tip: This year, throw veggie burgers on the grill and next year, someone else will host the cookout.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn't going to plan.
You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Monkeys made it to space before we did without even trying.
I'm that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
Refrigerators should be clear so you can see inside without opening the door.
Apparently juice cleanses don't involve mimosas...
You never know how dirty a song's lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
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