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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Dave Asten
Michael Mendoza
Political views are like children. Some people don’t have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I’m glad they finally made waterproof phones. Pushing friends into the pool is funny.
Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep
It only becomes a mistake if you regret it.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What couple possibly go wrong with that?
I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!