Fresh Statuses

Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
What if the only reason you can't pass through a mirror is because you are blocking yourself?
Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
Nobody wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday, which isn't surprising really, since it wasn't my birthday
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
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