Fresh Statuses

#13479
E.B. FlipShank
Bruce Jenner wears a dress in public and Vanity Fair asks him for a photo shoot. I wear a dress in public and the police ask me for a breathalyzer.
Adrian Peterson is back with the Vikings. I wonder if they'll whip him back into shape.
Life is like a box of Legos with a picture of what it’s supposed to look like, but no assembly instructions.
I eat tacos over a tortilla. So when stuff falls out...BOOM! Another Taco.
My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.
I demand a "that's what she said" button be added to Facebook.
Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me. She said "no" both times.
I remember a day when people would say I was wise beyond my years. I think my years have not only surpassed my wisdom I truly believe my wisdom has been lapped a few times.
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