Funny Status Ideas

This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
My 1st job was working in a orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible. Considering most humans can only talk out of theirs.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. Do your damn job.
Hulk Hogan is the highest paid pornstar of all time! 1 movie! $115 million!
Why its called tourist season if you can't shoot them!
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