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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Amigo
Cyberbilly
Cris
Dave Asten
Robert Zunick
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited.
I'd like to be a nudist but we just don't have the weather for it
Note to self: the wife does not want an 'exercise pole'.
At what point does a muffin top become a busted can of biscuits?
I can't face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.