Fresh Statuses

I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
If you want to insult deaf people you should watch your mouth
I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.
I took my youngest daughter to the grocery store the other day to get some basics. We walked down the aisle with all the vegetable oils etc and she noticed olive oil. She asked me what Extra Virgin Olive Oil meant. I said it meant that they made the oil from really ugly olives.
Man boobs are awesome! Why commas are important.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser
Always make sure to tell your wife you are going to the hardware store before walking out the door saying "gonna go get some trim"...
I've made a business of selling prayer mats on top of landmines. Prophets are going through the roof.
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