Fresh Statuses

How do I like my eggs? In a cake...
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
You can catch flies with honey, but you catch more honeys being fly!
While everyone's been watching the Presidential debate, I switched all my neighbors' political yard signs.
I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide if you're flying First Class.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 3 second rule has now been increased to 6.
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