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Dave Asten
Michael Mendoza
I'll never understand why Mario still plays golf and rides go-karts with the guy who violently kidnaps his girlfriend all the time.
Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turns out to be an actual human.
I'm boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and been like "Hey, that's my stuff!"
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin. Muffins are considered a healthy breakfast.