Fresh Statuses

I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they're gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I'd be in fantastic shape.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t just for throwing at people who stress you out?
When my kid loses a tooth, I’m telling him the tooth fairy charges a $5 disposal fee.
Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”
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