Fresh Statuses

Running behind is my cardio.
Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time? That's what I look like getting out of bed in the morning.
I can't afford to go on a vacation, so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am.
Who decided to call them conjugal visits instead of guilty pleasures?
I wonder how long it will take this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
I don't always look things up on my phone, but when I do it's to prove people wrong.
What a boring fight. "I ordered a fight on pay-per-view and got Dancing With The Stars."
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
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