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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Dave Asten
Robert Zunick
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a crap in days...
I don't live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I feel bad for lions at zoo. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them?
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
I'd say I'm not a morning person but I'm really not sure I'm an evening person either.