Fresh Statuses

Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you're like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you're from Alabama)
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you're a terrible person and had it coming.
I just started a new exercise routine. Every day I do diddly-squats.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it's between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Ever have a plan for the day, then 4pm rolls around and you've achieved literally nothing?
#8785
Timbob D.
I wonder how they sold physicians on the first prostate exams
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I'm tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
I have purchased thousands of bobby pins in my lifetime. I currently have about 2.
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