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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Amigo
Cyberbilly
Novell
Robert Zunick
Cris
I swear my girlfriend must be Russian. She keeps invading my side of the bed and claiming it as hers.
The best occupation to work from home: Bartender.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it
I just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
If owls are so smart, how come they don't say "Whom"?
Nice try "blocked number", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.