Fresh Statuses

I now own an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
For every cigarette you smoke, God takes an hour from your life and gives it to Keith Richards.
Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a butt across an airport; I'm sure they know it's NOT bacon
#15766
Xyuppi
I can't get out of bed. These blanket have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust.
#15765
Xyuppi
You've better look like your profile picture, .or you're buying me drinks until you do.
#15764
Xyuppi
Sad news. The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. The funeral will be held at 8:00, 8:09, 8:18 and 8:27 am
Farts are like children. I'm proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
It's called fall because everything is falling,,, leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
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