Fresh Statuses

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
I wonder if skunks can smell their own farts.
[DOG MAGICIAN] Think of a color, any color...let me guess…is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my God…how did you guess that?
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Getting a life sentence in jail is like getting the death penalty but with the execution method being death by old age.
As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
I don't think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
I just helped a really old person put their groceries in my car.
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