Fresh Statuses

You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
Some people should come with subtitles.
Bad news, A friend of mine fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news, Hes now recovered.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
My Therapist told me not to drink while I'm on my Meds but little does she know...I've been off my Meds for almost a week now!
It's always best to fart when there's a baby on the bus. They ALWAYS get the blame.
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
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