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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Dave Asten
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Black Friday is starting to turn into Black Thursday...
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won’t have to talk to them.
I woke up screaming this morning. Then I had to apologize to everyone in the staff meeting.