Fresh Statuses

#16187
Xyuppi
When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?
#16186
Florida
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
#16185
Xyuppi
I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
#16184
Xyuppi
Oh, Schwarzenegger, you dog, you. You were a "Running Man" from your "True Lies" and your "Predator" ways will have you spending your "End of Days" with "Junior". Good thing it wasn't "Twins"......Your first mistake was going "Commando"
#16183
Xyuppi
It's impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
#16182
Xyuppi
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo. Because in case of a disaster I want to look like the most important person to save.
#16181
Florida
Wal-mart closing 269 stores in 2016, putting 16 cashiers out of work
#16180
Florida
"Thank God! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
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