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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Cyberbilly
Amigo
Dave Asten
Cris
Michael Mendoza
Disney owns marvel. Marvel owns Thor. Thor is the son of a king. Thor is now female. Thor is now a Disney princess.
If I were a doctor, I would do volunteer work by standing outside of gas stations and writing prescriptions for antibiotics to people who walk out with sushi.
The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says.
Posting a status update before responding to someone's text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.