Fresh Statuses

#16339
Xyuppi
Don't listen to Billy Joel's piano man. It turns out that making love to your Tonic & Gin will get you thrown out of the bar.
This would be the absolute perfect time to actually rob Ryan Lochte.
#16337
Xyuppi
Jared began and ended his Subway career trying to get into smaller and smaller pants.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it's always collecting dust.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
#16334
Xyuppi
Let's be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world?
#16333
Xyuppi
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
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