Fresh Statuses

Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don't they get taller dancers?
What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want it? NNNEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWW!
‪The 5 second rule does not apply when you have a 2 second dog. ‬
Never ask a prostitute what they'll do for a Klondike bar…
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response. Who knew?
I love those signs you see on telephone poles that say Work from home! Make easy money! Be your own boss and make your own hours! Which makes you wonder, if its so easy why is someone out there busting their butt hanging signs?
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