Fresh Statuses

#13448
Novell
The only thing that appears correct on my paycheck is the amount I got paid is “gross.”
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
#13446
Novell
When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?
#13445
Novell
It’s 2015. Why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
#13444
Novell
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
My shirt has two button-down options: Uptight golf dude, or disco chest hair.
#13442
Cujo
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
#13441
Novell
I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, will, read, this, like William, Shatner.
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