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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Fresh Nominations...
Dave Asten
Michael Mendoza
I have been in parks less shady than you.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle at both ends.