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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Dave Asten
Michael Mendoza
If you’re looking to work 2 hours a day, 3 days a week for about $1000 a week please contact me! We can look for it together.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.
My internet goes out more than I do.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.