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Funny Facebook Statuses

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Cyberbilly
Michael Mendoza
Dave Asten
Cris
Leron Tonge
I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Who was the marketing genius that called them killer whales instead of sea-pandas?
My butt must fall asleep a lot because it is always snoring.
I don't know why the cops arrested me for indecent exposure. The sign only said "Shirts and Shoes required."
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer on cars for free?
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
You can tell a lot by a woman by her hands. For instance, if they're placed around your throat she's probably slightly upset.