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#3507

Well that sucks. I go to all the trouble of kidnapping a Girl Scout and she doesn't even know how to make the cookies!

Funny - 33 Insightful - 5 WTF? - 15 GTFO! - 15

#3506

Was the pirate's hook the cause of his eye injury? Or did the eye patch affect his depth perception, causing the hand injury?

Funny - 47 Insightful - 16 WTF? - 12 GTFO! - 11

#3505

Why do women ask questions that they truly don't want to hear the answer to? My wife asked me what would I do if I found out I had one year to live? I told her I would divorce her and remarry my ex wife, because everyday with my ex seemed like it was an eternity and by the end of the year I would be begging for death.

Funny - 36 Insightful - 4 WTF? - 4 GTFO! - 9

#3504

I have a statuesque physique. Like a porcelain Buddha.

Funny - 21 Insightful - 4 WTF? - 18 GTFO! - 21

#3503

Ever notice that people who usually wear sweatpants hardly ever sweat?

Funny - 23 Insightful - 10 WTF? - 7 GTFO! - 15

#3502

Gaining followers on Twitter isn't success. It's just failure with more witnesses.

Funny - 22 Insightful - 11 WTF? - 7 GTFO! - 15

#3501

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Funny - 23 Insightful - 5 WTF? - 8 GTFO! - 8

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