Funny Status Ideas

Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler's Anonymous?
*breaks a sweat* Sweatshop Owner: You’re gonna have to pay for that
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
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