Funny Status Ideas

A friend lost two fingers in saw accident. He asked the surgeon if he would be able to write with that hand. Surgeon replied: Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Walmart is giving away free school clothes to anyone that can outrun security.

I weigh myself fully naked. If you don’t like it you can go to a different Publix.

Monsters don’t eat ghost because they taste like sheet.

It’s very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week.

Sometimes I think I'm reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness

I joined an Amish support group, but I fell off the wagon.