Funny Status Ideas

Is NBC still doing where in the world is Matt Bauer? Haven't seen him in awhile. Well played NBC, well played

Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party?

‪I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties to go to my house. ‬

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent but deadly. Grandma: Your hearing aid needs new batteries.

Tables are made so we don’t eat on the floor. Tablecloths were made so we don’t eat on the table. Place mats were made so we don’t eat off of the tablecloth. Plates were made so we don’t eat off the place mats.

Remember, when you sneeze and fart at the same time, it is just your body taking a screenshot.