Funny Status Ideas

‪If you’re arguing loudly on your cell in public, please put it on speaker. I need to hear both side of the story. ‬

‪Allow your children to believe in Santa Claus. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining the magic for you .

Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?

The first dog to pee on Mars would temporarily be the dog lord of a whole planet.

I am suspicious of a holiday solely devoted to a man's inability to ask directions.

I sometimes have a hard time determining if my weekend is a break from the work week or if the work week is a break from my weekend.

When I was young, I used to think earwigs actually lived in your ears, so you can imagine how terrified I was of cockroaches.