Funny Status Ideas

You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with Sodium Pentothal.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.

My company is a non-profit, just not on purpose.

I'm here to self deprecate and chew bubble gum, and I forgot to bring bubble gum because I'm the worst.

I spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds...

Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion

I knew I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.