Funny Status Ideas

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You know you truly accomplished something in your life when your school has to make a new rule because of something you did.
80% of adulthood is just unsubscribing from emails you no longer wish to receive.
Every time I'm put on hold for longer then 10 minutes and a recorded message says "Your call is very important to use!" I cant help but wonder how long I'd have to wait if it wasn't important?
If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.
I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could have a look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so freaking rude...
Glasses make you look smart, but you have to fail an exam to get them.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
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    Robert Zunick
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