Funny Status Ideas

Back in my day we had so much toilet paper and eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

Egg prices are so crazy right now, I ordered an omelette for brunch and 7 girls brought it out with a sparkler.

Security at every level of the airport is insane until you get to baggage claim. Then it’s like take whatever bag you want.

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Of course trees poop, where do you think #2 pencil come from?

I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today. That's it! I'm done using the self-checkout lane.

I don't roll a joint everyday, but when I do, it's usually my ankle