Funny Status Ideas

I could be wrong, but I think the only way Trump is going to get to 270 is by losing about 50 pounds

If your election lasts more than 48 hours, seek medical attention

Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who’s the father.

The average Apple employee works 6 hours a day longer than an Apple battery.

It's great to hear from an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while...if only to remind yourself why you don't talk to them.

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I mean I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last seven months. I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.

Since drinking hasn’t killed me yet, I can only assume it’s making me stronger...